A Different Holiday: Celebrating After Loss

The holiday season is known for time with family and friends, the hustle and bustle of the festivities, and the joyous sound of holiday music and lights. But when you’re missing a loved one, the holidays can be a painful time. You can still enjoy the holidays while grieving, but they may look or feel different. Make the season more manageable by finding ways to take care of yourself, honoring your loved one, and embracing old and new holiday traditions.  

Taking Care of Yourself 

The first couple of holiday seasons without your loved one can be overwhelming. It’s important to admit this holiday is going to be different and to take things slow. Allow yourself to say “no” this year. Think about which holiday events and people will bring you comfort, and which may add stress. When deciding what festivities you want to take part in, remember your energy level may be lower than normal. Carve out time for self-care. That may mean taking time to journal or meditate, going to a holiday grief support group, or simply going on a daily walk. When you take time for yourself, that heavy burden may start to feel a little lighter. 

Honoring Your Loved One 

It’s important not to ignore the fact that someone very important is absent this year. Honoring your loved one can bring comfort to a difficult day. Here are some ideas for how to remember those you’re missing:

Memorial created in honor of Alex

• Volunteer with a cause that was important to your loved one.
• Donate some of their items to a charity.
• This year there are lots of items still needed for the victims of Hurricane Helene in Western North Carolina.
• Place a special ornament on the Christmas tree.
• Dedicate one of the Hannukah candles in their memory.
• Have family and friends write down memories or favorite traits of your loved one. Choose a time to get together and read the notes.
• Light a candle or place a picture of your loved one at an empty seat at the holiday table. This is a symbol that they will always be a part of your family.
• Visit the cemetery and decorate their memorial site.
• Cook their favorite recipe as part of your holiday meal. 

Embracing New and Old Traditions 

Ornament created in honor of Cody

Some people find comfort in the treasured holiday traditions when they are deep in grief. Others find these traditions overwhelmingly sad and a painful reminder of what they have lost. Have a family meeting before the holidays and talk about everyone’s expectations for this holiday. This includes kids! Holidays are very special for children of all ages. So much has changed outside their control. Involve them in these talks to help them feel empowered. Think about what traditions are important for certain family members. Consider new things that could bring some joy to this hard time. Remember, simple can be special. New doesn’t have to mean something big. It could be something simple like making cookies and eating them in the car while looking at holiday lights. The most important thing you can do is support each other.  

While this holiday season will look different than years past, there can still be moments of joy. Be sure to take care of yourself. Find special ways to honor your loved one. Include both old and new traditions to navigate this time of year. 

This blog was written by Lauren Wigle, LifeShare's continuing care coordinator. She has 7 years of experience working with grieving families. Lauren supports our donor families after their loss through donation updates, special events, and facilitating communication between donor families and recipients. She is also a certified mental health counselor and provides grief counseling to our families.