Moving Forward: Organizing After Loss

It’s common for those who have lost someone to feel like their loved one’s things are taking over the home. As time passes, things that were once a warm memory can start to feel like an overwhelming reminder of your loss. But the process of sorting through a loved one’s things can also be overwhelming. It can be emotional and take some time. Whether you’re just getting started or already working on it, I hope these tips help you navigate it better.

Take Your Time (Unless You Can’t)

Choosing when to dive into this process is a very personal decision. Ideally, you have flexibility. But some circumstances, like a rental agreement or a move, can force you to move faster than you’d like. If you must take care of things quickly, ask for help. If you have a village offering to help you, this is a great time to call on them. The process can be overwhelming, physically and emotionally, so you’ll probably be grateful for the extra hands and support.

If you don’t have a pressing deadline, allow yourself to take it slow. It doesn’t need to be done in a day or even a week. Breaking it all down into smaller chunks can help. You can try doing one room at a time or limiting your time to an hour-long session. If you want or need to take a break, that’s ok.  Even if you are on a time crunch, allow yourself the occasional break. Even if it’s just 5 minutes to breathe or take care of something else. This is a heavy task and you shouldn’t feel bad about taking a break and picking back up where you left off.

Make Tough Decisions

Start by deciding what’s important and meaningful to keep. This could be anything from things that showcase their interests and personality to belongings they cherished. Once you’ve decided what to keep, now it’s time to decide what to do with what’s left. It may feel wrong to even consider getting rid of anything, but there will be things you’ll need or want to let go of. There will be some special things you don’t have the room or capacity for. Gifting these items to a family member or friend who you know will cherish them is a great option here.

Fill a Need

Once you’ve decided which items to keep, it can be hard to know what to do with the rest. As you go through this process, it’s important to remember that not everything will be able to be kept or donated. It’s ok to throw away things that are not in good condition. Things in good condition can be donated. Organizations like Goodwill and Salvation Army are an option for general donations. You can also ask around about local organizations or charities that may need more specific items. Art supplies and toys could go to children’s homes. Cooking supplies and clothes may be needed at women’s shelters. Books and games are often needed at rehab facilities. Finding a place where your loved one’s belongings can fill a need or help others can be comforting.

T-shirt quilt created in honor of Thomas

Save Memories (And Closet Space)

Maybe its artwork, pictures, cards, clothing, or a collection of some kind. Finding ways to consolidate these items can be helpful for preserving the memories while freeing up some space. Here are a few ideas of how to do that:

• Create a scrapbook from their artwork
• Fill a decorative box with greeting cards they kept
• Keep a few pieces from their favorite collection and sell or donate the rest
• Have a quilt made from their favorite t-shirts
• Create a stuffed animal or blanket from clothing

It’s important to find ways to cherish these keepsakes from our loved ones, without feeling like they are causing chaos in our homes.

This is Hard. That’s Okay.

Sorting through your loved one’s things can be exhausting. There’s no right or wrong way to do it.  Decide if you want to tackle this yourself or ask others to help. Ask someone close to your loved one who can share in the memories with you. It could also be someone you trust to offer an outside perspective and help you make some hard decisions. Either way, allow yourself the space to experience whatever feelings may come up, whether it be tears, a smile, or even a laugh. All of these (and more) are valid.

You may find this process to be a way to connect with your loved one even after they’re gone and pass on their legacy to family and friends. When you’re done, their belongings will have a new purpose and can hopefully help you move into the next chapter of your life.

This blog was written by Lauren Wigle, LifeShare's continuing care coordinator. She has 7 years of experience working with grieving families. Lauren supports our donor families after their loss through donation updates, special events, and facilitating communication between donor families and recipients. She is also a certified mental health counselor and provides grief counseling to our families.